Developing Emotional Intimacy

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Emotional Intimacy is not the same as sexual intimacy.  Sexual intimacy can take place with or without emotional intimacy, and emotional intimacy often does not happen within any kind of sexual context. Emotional Intimacy is a psychological event that occurs when the trust level and communication between two people is such that it fosters the mutual sharing of each others innermost selves.  It is unbridled mutual self disclosure.

Sadly, a lacking of emotional intimacy in relationships is common, and as a result we pay a heavy price.  It’s absence can easily be seen through strained and failed relationships of those around us.  And reflected in the staggering divorce rates.  In our most intimate relationships we seek to feel wholly accepted, respected, worthy and even admired in the eyes of our mates.

We would like our relationship to be a comfortable place for us when we are weary, a place of compassion and support.  Emotional intimacy is needed for these feelings to develop and continue, which is why both single and married women alike can learn from this.

If you’re a single woman with a relationship moving toward marriage, building emotional intimacy is essential to your relationship and will be easy if God’s hand is on the relationship.  For a married woman emotional intimacy is needed to continue to build lasting marriages.  It’s not a one time deal like many things it must be practiced.  When there is a lacking of emotional intimacy relationships break down.

If emotional intimacy is the glue that holds our unions together why do we seem to avoid it like the plague?

The reason is the majority of people have difficulty practicing openness and allowing themselves to be vulnerable with someone else.  I personally had some difficulty in this area.  Due to gender socialization this might be a more trying process for men.  However, both genders  struggle immensely  with divulging how they really think or feel, for fear of the ultimate rejection, the rejection of our true selves.  Simply stated intimacy is developed through conversation that can lead to an unusually high degree of emotional intimacy and satisfaction in marriage.

For you single ladies this the main reason that it is never good to meet someone, have sex first and ask questions later.  Ladies allow men enough time to prove himself to you. (without having sex with him). Time tells all and in enough time you will be able to tell if he’s full of it, or not. You see men are driven by conquest. Once the conquest is done he is on to the next. So if you maintain your power you won’t have to wonder” where this relationship is going”. You will know. It will be going the way you want it to go and if its not, 86 him! so you can speed up the process to the man God has for you.   If this were a game most women would loose every time because your giving away your power!  Your giving away the prize before he even won the contest fair and square.  The prize is you.

You are the goal to be be pursued and won.  Let him slay those dragons to win your heart.  Men were designed and built to go after the prize.  How else is he going to know when he’s found the one if its no different than the last five girls he dated.  Show him you are the one by keeping the keys to the kingdom unless and until he’s ready to make a solid commitment anything less is unacceptable.  Because he can get sex anywhere, its the difference in you he will respect.  For married women you can start out being big communicators in your relationship then somewhere along the lines it stops.  Again its not a one time deal like many things in a marriage it must be practiced, like sex, encouraging one another, complimenting each other, having heart to heart talks etc..



  How can we achieve emotional Intimacy ?

  • Give undivided attention to each other when discussing things of importance. By eliminating distractions like the TV, internet, and focus on each other and communicate.  If the kids are going to be running around, wait until their bed time when the house is quiet.

  • Balance the conversation.  Each person has to talk and listen uninterrupted.

  •  Use conversation to learn more about your spouse.  Really listen and be a good listener.

  • Be honest about how you feel, even if it hurts.  Once its all out there you can deal with it. With holding your true feelings will not help to build emotional Intimacy.

  • Go into the conversation with both parties dedicated to a goal of finding a solution.  Sometimes things can get off track in conversation.  Stick to the topic at hand and agree that we are discussing this to find a solution.  So if each of you have the mindset of we’re tackling this problem together to find a solution, it will take the edge off of both you, and neither of you will be coming from a place of defensiveness.



Digital Art By mrm


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4 thoughts on “Developing Emotional Intimacy

    • Hi there,
      Thank you for your comment. This is very interesting. Honestly I had never heard of this particular type of bonding act. But hey whatever works. Bonding does occur when couples spend time together be it physical or non physical. As the link says” the bond deepens as you spend quality time together.”I “liked that it referred to spending time with the one you love in an old fashion way.” Meaning giving each other full concentration in that moment and being totally in the moment without distractions is important. Thanks for the article. I have a post coming out later this month called “Building emotional intimacy with a man” (How to get and keep the man you want) Check it out.


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