A Christian’s Woman’s Journey after Divorce and Dating after 40
Dating over 40 can be a blast and very rewarding if you are willing to take heed to sound advice. Successful relationships will develop in your life if you know who you are, where you are going, and love the person God has made you to be. Just because you are over the age of 40 doesn’t mean that you have to settle for the first person or the 10th person that shows an interest in you. Over the years we have learned that there is no perfect man.
We’ve learned that having unrealistic expectations in a partner will only lead to unmet expectations down the road. The best dating advice after divorce that you can follow is to deal with the pain of divorce before you ever consider getting back into the dating game. How long should this be? As long as it takes for you to heal your emotions and be ready to move on again. Ideally a year or two, it depends on you.
When you do date again do not talk about past relationships. It only shows that you have a hard time letting go of the past and may not be ready to date. No man wants to sit across a dinner table from you and converse about your ex. Make sure you are ready to put yourself out there again emotionally and physically. When dating your not going to hit it off with every person but that doesn’t mean you can’t have fun. Think of it as breaking the ice, you’ve been out of the dating scene for a long time.
Two people can laugh and have a good time together knowing that they are not a perfect match. It’s amazing what you can learn about yourself and others if you take the time to talk. As you get more comfortable with dating it will become easier. Don’t feel rushed to meet the right person just because you’re over 40, let it happen naturally. You should never worry about hurting someone’s feelings.
I’m not talking about being rude or putting a person down. I’m referring to telling your date thanks but no thanks. Not everyone is going to be a good match, it’s important to be selective. Finding a satisfying relationship takes time and work. Even dating over the age of 40 requires that you make a good first impression. The number one complaint of women over 40 is that the dating pool of men their age has narrowed. I think for a number of reasons that’s true and that’s a whole other post. Right now our focus is on getting you a date at this age and stage.
You’ve got to think out of the box and be open to try new things. Social groups where you can meet like minded men are a good idea. Volunteering is another way to give to others which brings joy as well as possibly meeting someone for yourself for instance a boys and girls club. It’s likely that a man you meet there will love kids and probably has his own.
Over 40 christian singles events is another great way to meet like minded men or perhaps at church. You can meet someone through your friends that know someone who is also single. If you’ve been avoiding going online because you think its only for twenty somethings, think again. Dating sites report that the fastest growing segment is people over 50. I heard a man put it this way, if you’re sitting across the table with the man of your dreams does it matter where you met him? There are literally millions of men over 50 online.
So where are all the men you ask? A lot of them are online and if you have not yet tapped into this market I think you doing yourself a disservice, at least try. It’s like trying a new restaurant if you don’t like it you don’t have to go back. Online dating is the new hotspot for boomers and older adults. As a woman over 40 you need to do a little extra work. But like me you can meet your dream man.
5 Tips to Consider when Dating Online
- Be in control of your experience – Know exactly what you want and be prepared to not settle or lower your expectations. Never post personal information online (phone numbers,etc..) This is a discreet way to meet men in the privacy of your home and if you’re not interested you don’t have to respond. Remember the jerks you met in bars and nightclubs 20 years ago? Well they are still out there they just have gray hair now. What are some things you can change about yourself to be a successful dater? For example, do you whip out a checklist at dinner and interview or interrogate the man? Keep it light, you can ask him things like, “What do you like to do for fun?” Ask about his hobbies.
- Stand out. Plain and simple you have competition. As we age the ratio of women to men grows further apart. Some statistics report its as much as 11 women to each man over 55. If you’re dating over 40 I want you to stand up and stand out. You’re reading this so you are already ahead of the game. Make sure your pictures are great. Get them done professionally. $150 is worth it to meet the right man. Come on ladies we can spend that amount of money easy in a day at the salon. Invest where you are looking to have the greatest return. Your profile needs to be unique and speak to men. Tip: If your best girlfriend loves it, it probably sucks. Get a platonic male friend to help you or review it, maybe your brother. Just enlist the help of a man. They are great at things like this. They can point out what your doing wrong or tell you what to say and what not to say.
- Be Honest – One of the top complaints of men online is that women post pictures that are out of date. Please don’t do this. Don’t start off with a lie, it speaks to character and it also says you are not confident enough in yourself to reveal your true self as you are today. Don’t you want an honest representation of him ? Of course you do. Post lovely yet current pictures. Be clear about what your looking for . Whether it’s a dinner companion or a husband put it out there. Be honest and say “I’m looking for a life partner”, this way you’ll avoid the guys that just “wanna have fun”. Be honest about who you are.
You don’t need to take 5 hours to put together a best selling novel about what you think they want to hear. You’re a mature woman it is what it is. You can say for example, “I’m an energetic and mature professional who loves life and is looking for someone who’s company I enjoy to share my life with”. Simple, direct, and to the point. Do highlight the positives about your self that will appeal to man. “I love to cook” , “I love travel”, my kids are older which frees me up to enjoy the company of a like minded gentlemen. You get the idea.
- Get a makeover. When is the last time you updated your look? Have you changed the ways you apply your make up or wear your hair in the last decade? Have you bought any new styled clothes? Doing this is as much about looking good for a man as it is about feeling good about yourself. A confident woman who takes care of herself and looks healthy is a man magnet. Check out the magazines if your unsure about style find out what’s hot and what’s not. Do dress age appropriately. You don’t want to look like your trying too hard. You want to be that confident mature 40 and fabulous hot mamma. Check out Coldwater Creek, Ann Taylor.
- Check your baggage at the door or better yet leave it at home. Yes, that means don’t drag in your messy divorce, financial problems, aches and pains, ( Let the getting to know you stage be about that alone). Nobody’s perfect. But what are the good things about you? Focus on the positives at this stage. Don’t drag in the terrible decisions you made in your 20’s what’s important is who you are TODAY right now.
In my estimation 40 is not the death sentence (which is absurd), it used to be for women. Actresses would complain that their were no roles in Hollywood for women over 40. Not so today, there’s so many beautiful women over 40 today. Sandra Bullock,(49) Gwyneth Paltrow,(41) Cameron Diaz,(45) Jennifer Aniston,(44) Halle berry(47) Viola Davis (48) . I think as a culture we are living longer and looking younger.
These are the new faces of women over forty, everyday women not celebrities
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