Understanding Submission




No, this is NOT Fifty Shades of Grey.  Not even close!  Although it makes for great adult entertainment.  I doubt it’s what God had in mind when he created submission before the foundations of the world.  Of course the world has their own spin on the topic hence the movie “Fifty shades Of Grey”. In this movie the man’s idea of a woman submitting to him means you will do what I say.  I will handcuff, whip, beat, and have sex with you at my will.  And you will be available on the weekends, and sign a contract to that effect.  A real romantic to say the least.

So if  you’ve been getting your information on submission from the “Fifty shades of Grey” trilogy books and the movie, all you have is a secular, sinful twist on an ancient principal meant to be practiced within the confines of marriage.  Romans 12:2, reminds “Be not conformed to this world be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind…”  I know some women are thinking “I didn’t agree with everything in the movie ,but I do enjoy a little playful spanking from my husband once in a while.”
You’re not alone, and there’s nothing wrong with that between a husband and a wife.  Although that is a whole other post wherein we can discuss alternative lovemaking options that can be fun without feeling like your bucking the traditional.  Also, it’s okay between a husband and wife to explore non-traditional love-making options as long as you’re not abusing one another.  This is a topic we will discuss in the coming month.  February will be the month of “Love”, and we’ll explore lots of interesting topics.  So keep an eye out for that.

We’re going to renew our minds today concerning Biblical Submission and what it means for you as a wife.  For you single readers, take heart and take notes.  Your minds need to be reconditioned to what it really means to be a submitted wife.  Your destination may well be the Godly institution of marriage. This post is SCW’s prelude post to February firsts “Love Workshop Series” beginning Monday.  Since there’s been so much interest surrounding the “Submission” post, I thought that we should start with “Submission”.  Explore it’s meaning and start there.  “A submitted wife is a happy wife”  Enjoy.


In this post we’ll Explore:

  • What is biblical Submission?
  • Which scriptures support biblical submission?
  • Is there anytime that I should not submit to my husband?
  • What is the purpose of it?
  • Why do we struggle with it?
  • What are the common misconceptions and lies surrounding it?
  • What are the benefits and detriments to Biblical submission in marriage?

What does Submission mean?  The natural definition of submission means:  To yield to another s  desire’s without resistance.  Submission to another s wishes is an attitude of the heart done willingly. While surrendering is yielding by being forced to do so.

What is Biblical Submission?  It is our submission unto the Lord.  Our first submission should be unto the lord.  We are daughters of the most high God first, and wives second.  Our second submission is to our husbands.  As wives when we make the choice to Biblically submit to our husbands, we are doing so because we are following God’s plan for our life.  Not because we are forced to do so.  Understand that the head of every man is Christ.  For our husbands, he is first a son of God and his first submission is to the Lord, and his second submission to his wife.  The husband and the wife are to submit to each other as under God’s authority.

What is the purpose of Biblical submission?  The purpose is God’s order.  There is order in God’s kingdom and it goes like this: Christ is the head of the church, and He is the savior of the body, therefore the church is subject unto Christ and Christ unto God.  God is the head of man.  The head of a woman is her husband.

Is there any time when I should Not submit to my husband?  God never forces someone to follow him nor does he want us to be forced to follow another human being.  He wants us to lovingly submit to Him and each other.  Because of the evil in some men’s hearts, (a wannabe macho meat-head), a woman under this man’s authority can be abused.  Because a small-minded man will abuse this principal and be abusive.  Within this kind of relationship a submissive woman can be asked to do things that they do not believe is right.  The Biblical perimeter reveals to us how far a woman should go.  She needs to ask herself if what he’s asking me to do lines up with God’s Word?  A woman should never submit to anything that does not line up with God’s Word.  A WIFE IS NOT TO SUBMIT TO HER HUSBAND’S SIN.  In essence she is sinning against the Lord.  Pray about it and God will deal with your husband.

Why do we struggle with submission?  The woman’s struggle with submission is what she’s been taught through secular misinformation.  That the woman is essentially the man’s slave.  Who wants to be a slave.  This is not Biblical submission.

Illustration depicting cutout printed letters arranged to form the word lies.

What are the misconceptions and lies surrounding Submission?

  • A woman who submits to her husband is a doormat

SCW (response):  These are all lies straight from the pit of hell.  Especially this one.  A more informed person knows that the majority of submissive wives are very strong, educated , capable women like myself.  I had to learn how to be submissive and what it meant because it was something that didn’t come natural to me.  I love the definition of a submissive woman as “Strength under control.”

  • She can’t think for herself

SCW:  Any educated woman is capable of thinking for herself, and even if she isn’t educated she has common sense.  I was so used to handling ALL the business of life on my own and was happy to do it.  I was blessed to have a Godly man placed in my life by God to help me make decisions, help me to figure things out.  He shows me a different way, a different perspective to lift me up when I’m feeling down, and to be my partner in life.  I want you to understand this: Your power is in your Partners!  God created Partnership.  Jesus taught this right off the cuff the first thing he did was select His partners (the Disciples).  No man is an island.  I had help!  There were people who helped me along the way!  To God be the Glory!

  • She needs a man to tell her what to do

SCW:  Ecclesiastes 4:9 Two are better than one.  God did not intend for man to be alone.  He could not produce without her.  And she could not produce without him.

  • She is weak with a docile personality

SCW:  The world would have you to think that a woman has to be weak to follow her husband’s God-given authority.  However, God confirms his will in His Word.  The enemy is the father of lies, John 8:44

  • She’s viewed as a slave and not equal to her husband

SCW:  They are one in God’s eyes.  A man will leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife and the two shall become one flesh.

  • She blindly follows her husband without asking any questions.

SCW:   A wife has to ask herself is the thing my husband is asking me to do honoring to God or is it contrary to the Word of God?  And if it is contrary to God’s will, a woman is not expected to follow her husband’s sin.

  • She’s not allowed to talk back to her husband if she disagrees with something

SCW:  Ephesians 4:15,  “Speak the truth in Love”


What are the scriptures that support submission?

Ephesians 5:20-25,  Giving thanks always in everything to God the father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.  Wives submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.  For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is head of the church.  His body, and is himself its savior.  Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to her husband.

James 4:7,  Submit yourselves therefore to God.  Resist the devil and he will flee from you.

Romans 13:1,  Let every soul be subject unto the higher powers.  For there is no power than of God. The powers that be are ordained of God.

Ephesians 5:21,  Submitting yourselves to one another in the fear of God

What are the benefits and detriments of  practicing submission? or Not practicing it?


  • You are honoring God by submitting to Him and His Word

  • You are giving honor and respect to your husband when you submit to him.  A man needs to feel respect from his wife.  This makes him feel loved.  When he feels respected it makes it easier for him to pour out his love on you.

  •  Your marriage is the type of love God has for his children.  Sacrificial love.  Your selfless loving marriage is like a beacon of light in a dark world.
  •  You will have harmony in your home.

  •  Your children will feel secure and loved when the atmosphere of the home is filled with peace and joy.

  •  Your Christ centered marriage will ultimately bring glory to God

  •  This path will lead you closer to Christ as you walk in the spirit.

The Detriments of not following God’s Word

As wives if we are constantly seeking  to have our own way in marriage, then the following can take place.


  • We are disobeying God and out of His will for our lives 
  • Bitterness 
  • Anger 
  • Possible divorce and extra marital affairs 
  • Strife in the home 
  • Children not following the Lord 
  • Children choosing the wrong spouse, emulating the same behavior modeled by their parents. 
  • Un-forgiveness

Our walk with God will suffer because our self-centered ways will draw us away from him.

When we live to please ourselves and have no order, no rules, no consideration, no respect or love for one another we live in chaos.  The world we live in is a pretty good example of this type of lifestyle right now.  Everyone for himself.  A me, me, me,  kind of attitude.  A self-centered woman does not represent our Savior in any way shape or form.  When we bring this approach into our marriage we are headed for disaster.  2 Timothy 3:2,  “In the last days people will become lovers of themselves.”  We definitely see that now.  I heard about a girl who posted over a thousand selfies on Facebook.  Psalms 86:11,  “Teach me your ways O lord and I will walk in your truth. Give me an undivided heart that I may fear your name.”






We need to understand the proper role of submission in marriage so that our homes are harmonious and free of contention.  Love should be the rule in our homes.  Not only in our homes but in our church family as well.



5 Practical Ways a Wife can submit to your Husband

  1. Dispense with those flesh filled tendencies to be quarrelsome!  (you don’t have to have the last word, you don’t have to win every argument).  You can not get away from these flesh filled tendencies unless you are walking in the Spirit.  Dying to the desires of the flesh Galatians 5:16, God reminds us not to be a quarrelsome wife.  Proverbs 25:24, “Better to live on the corner of a roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.”  Proverbs 27:15,  “A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping on a rainy day.” (Even God doesn’t want to hear it.)  Proverbs 14:1,  “The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears her’s  down.”

  2.  Always be publicly supportive of him.  Never tear him down in front of anyone or at all. Always build him up.  The Bible says we are to use our mouths for edifying.  Romans 14:19,  “Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and edification”  NIV.  (I think this is my new favorite verse)  New living translation Romans 14:19, “So then let us aim for harmony in the church” (Take out church and put home. That’s the first place you should maintain peace.)  And try to build each other up.

  3.  Support his decisions as leader of the household.  A woman should teach her children to respect his authority.  An intelligent man appreciates and is not intimidated by a woman who has a mind.  Discuss the issues, pray about them, hear your partners out.  But women know that the final decision as leader is his, and you have to be okay with that. (husbands choose wisely!)  I wouldn’t worry about this one too much, every smart man knows a happy wife, happy life right!  (I’m just having too much fun today.)

  4.  Make it a practice to think of ways to enhance his life throughout.  What can I do to make it a better day for my spouse?

  5. Always give him the utmost respect.  Honor him.  No one should praise him more than you.  You should be his biggest cheerleader.  After all you’re on the same team right?  But he’s the captain!  The captain always wants the best cheerleader and every girl wants the captain!





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