I do not believe that any new bride had intentions of avoiding or depriving her man of sex when she said yes to his proposal. But something has happened in their marriage. There is a breakdown of some sort that is causing her to turn away from being intimate with him. There are some areas in our life that we have control over and some that we do not. But nevertheless sexual intimacy is the thing that sets our relationships with our husbands apart from any other relationship. Regardless of our problems, this is not an area we want to intentionally neglect because if we do, then that will bring a host of other issues into our marriage.
This breakdown could be for a number of reasons
- Some are directly related to her man
- Some are related to the pressures and demands of family life
- Some can be related to body image issues, prior sexual sin, or abuse
- Some reasons can be the female body experiencing pain limitations or hormone imbalances
- Mental Issues
She has issues related to her man
Avoiding sex and telling your husband that you have a headache is not going to make your marriage any better. In fact it will cause more problems to arise. Sex is designed to bring you and your husband closer together. The marriage bed is the place to strengthen your one flesh union. There’s a reason God says not to forsake the marriage bed. It’s for our benefit and protection.
- Her husband is rude and insensitive. What woman in her right mind would want to get naked and sleep with a rude self-centered man? I know I wouldn’t. Frankly, women don’t walk down the aisle to get married to man like that. The way you treat a woman outside the bedroom will affect your relationship inside the bedroom.
- She’s lost respect for him for a number of reasons
- She no longer trusts him. Trust is a lot harder to regain after it has been lost.
- Sex is no longer enjoyable to her. A woman’s body changes after pregnancy. Or the block can be a mental one.
- She feels emotionally disconnected from him. Feeling emotionally disconnected from your man can be from any number of reasons, arguments, fights, not being on the same page. She feels like she’s not appreciated or heard.
- Bitterness has grown in her heart towards him. When a woman feels emotionally wounded time and time again, bitterness grows.
- Infidelity. This one is a no brainer. If you’re caught cheating or suspected of it, it’s going to ruin your sex life.
- Pregnant and no longer interested in sex. Although sex is perfectly healthy for a pregnant woman up to a certain point, some women just lose interest.
- His hygiene. Both parties expect for their spouses to be clean and well-groomed.
She is focused on family life
After you marry it’s common for your focus to shift a bit. For some, you entered into the world of motherhood rather quickly. That’s the reason I suggest with newly married couples to not be in such a hurry or feel pressure from your parents to have kids straightaway. Take some time with each other to strengthen your marital bond before the kids come. Because once they do things are going to change.
For other wives you may be focusing on a career, raising teens, handling a blended family, taking care of aging parents etc… You are now wearing more than just the “wife” hat. Perhaps you feel more like the cook, the maid, taxi driver, etc… It’s hard to shift gears into feeling like a wife within minutes of an overwhelming and exhausting day. But the good thing about these issues is that you do have control over them, and it’s most likely the easiest to fix. Knowing your roles and putting them in proper Biblical order is the key here, and every mom needs prayer.
10. She is stressed and or worried. Kids and or financial worries consume her mind so she is not in the mood. It’s the job of the husband to make sure the wife has as few worries as possible.
11. Her children sleep in her bed. It’s not good for your children, or your marriage, for your children to become dependant on sleeping in your bed. You can control this by putting a stop to it. And don’t let your kids guilt trip you into thinking you’re doing something wrong.
12. She’s nursing and doesn’t want another human being on her, her focus is the baby. Many times women become consumed with a newborn.
13. She has a to do list which is long enough and sex is not on there. A woman’s tasks can get exhausting. But prioritizing your marriage is the key.
14. She puts all of her energy into the children and the house, and none on herself and feels undesirable. Do not neglect yourself as woman.
15. She is dealing with her own inner demons. She feels guilt or shame from past sexual experiences or abuse.
16. She feels insecure about her body, whether warranted or unwarranted.
If you’re dealing with physical problems then be diligent to seek out medical guidance so that your body can be fixed and somewhat restored. I say somewhat restored because let’s face it our bodies are never the “same” after having kids. You cannot go back, but you can receive the medical care that you need to have the best quality of life possible. If you’re one of those women where pregnancy was great for you, no issues, no problems and you feel better than ever praise God! That’s wonderful, however each woman is different. Sometimes a woman’s problems are not physical, they are mental. In which case you need to seek out a medical psychiatrist if you care about maintaining marriage and family. No it is not an easy thing, but there is help and hope for your mental needs.
17. Sex is painful
18. She is chronically sick
19. She has a low sex drive
20. She has mental issues, and is not mentally healthy
Verse of the Day; 1 Corinthians 7:5, “Do not deprive each other of sexual relations unless you both agree to sustain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward you should come together again so that satan won’t be able to tempt you because of a lack of self control.”
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