Today’s hot topic is Cougars! More importantly can a Christian Woman Be a Cougar? In today’s discussion topic we’ll explore this hot topic. There are so many diverse reactions to these types of relationships. People either love them or are a strongly opposed to them. Although I don’t think this issue is total black and white. On the one hand the secular world doesn’t have any rules so all is fair game. But as Christian women we live our lives according to the word of God. Is a Christian woman breaking a rule or worse having a sinful relationship with a younger man?
Personally I never read anything specific on it in the Bible. SCW prides itself on not being “Preachy”, but instead presenting information and letting you make up your own mind. This one is a hard one because I think women just want to be “happy”. Should you discriminate against someone because they’re younger if they make you happy? Is it a sin that the person you love is younger?
Women are living longer and having children later. They’re in their prime at 40 and beyond. They’re thriving and they want someone to enjoy life with. In some cases older men are just not keeping up with them. If he’s not adventurous, and doesn’t want to enjoy life the way she wants, it can be a problem. Those type of women find older men stuffy and unable to keep up with them sexually. What I think is interesting to explore is the pros and cons of a cougar and younger man in a marital relationship. The pros and cons for the woman in a cougar/ younger man relationship? Biblical Roles? Is it okay for a Christian woman to be a cougar? What is it all about? Can a Christian Cougar woman really find true love and lasting happiness with a younger man? What do you think?
Christian Cougar Woman and Marriage
Couples with younger husbands violate social norms and thus suffer from social sanctions, says the Institute for Demographic Research. Since marrying a younger man deviates from what is normal these couples can be what is regarded as outsiders and receive less social support. This could result in a less joyful and a more stressful life, reduced health, increased mortality. Judgement aside, marriages in which the wife is older than her husband are more likely to be troubled. A study in which wives were just a decade or more older than their husbands admitted to feeling a certain insecurity about aging.
Stress and insecurity is just never going to be a good thing in a relationship. The couples also felt stigmatized by others, especially the wives. Couples in marriages where the wife is just five years older than their husbands are three times more likely to divorce than couples of their own age. A study at the University of Maine done on family relations and human sexuality concluded that society is not ready to accept December-May relationships, like they do May-December relationships. And ultimately when a woman is older than her husband it will lead to divorce. Men have been dating and marrying younger women for centuries, of course that’s long standing, a never ending double standard.
- Not forgetting the small percentage of marriages that have lasted 10 to 15 years and more. For the ones that do make it work, why wouldn’t these younger men want to date theses women? Women become more fascinating with age. They know more people, they’ve been more places and read more books. The younger man is just as eager to meet the older woman. The word cougar has such a predatory connotation. However, I’m not convinced it’s always like that. 69% of younger men have dated an older woman, and 27% of those relationships had an age gap of ten to twenty years. In other cases I believe there are predatory young men that prey on older women for their money.
Pros and Cons for the Woman in an older woman/ younger man relationship
- The sex. Men reach their sexual prime in their twenties due to a spike in testosterone. While women typically reach theirs in their 30’s and 40’s. Add to this the fact that he has more stamina and energy. He is also thought to be more willing to try new things. From a purely physical standpoint, it’s a great sexual match.
- He’s fun to date. Sure you’ll have dinner dates. Your social time will be physically demanding. A 10 mile hike one day, followed by a great indie rock rock concert the next. Younger men are as adventurous outside the bedroom as they are inside. And they’ll bring out a more youthful vibrant side of you. He’ll see you as smarter and worldly and want to please you. Make you feel appreciated.
- Less Baggage. Depending on how young he is he may or may not have been married, or have children yet. Thus making him more carefree other than education and career. Less baggage can also mean a lack of relationship skills such as communicating, solving problems and resolving conflicts. Be selective about your battles and learn to compromise on things that aren’t vital to your relationship.
- Lifestyle differences. Many younger men are more connected with their peers than they are with the idea of being a couple. If his friends are young and single and going out to bars till 4 a.m. drinking, flirting with women and behaving like a frat boy may be the norm. So he may choose hanging with his bros over coming over to your place as often as you would like. They don’t want to miss out on being part of the group from whom they derive their identity.
- He’s scared of Commitment. A younger man is developmentally in a different place. He’s not ready for all the pressures and responsibility that go along with a committed relationship. His emotional maturity is not fully developed yet.
- Biology. Younger men don’t have the dad gene in them until they become more established and mature. So he’s not looking to start a family, or be a dad.
- The Mommy complex. Being older you’re more successful and established, while he’s still climbing the corporate ladder or even getting a career going. So often carreers are at different stages. Which could lead to resentment on her part and can emasculate him and make him feel like he’s unable to provide for and protect you. The woman may feel more like a sugar momma than an equal partner. In some cases a guy is drawn to the woman who takes care of him because he still needs his mommy. Being the breadwinner may not matter to you if say he makes dinner every night so that you don’t have to worry about cooking. Or he’s a great handyman that has updated your entire house. But only you can decide that.
Roles of Women and Men
The man is the protector and provider of the woman Biblically. I think that whenever our roles become exchanged, blurred or unclear, or not thought of as a problem, there are always problems. God’s roles for men and women represent order. 1 Corinthians 14:40, “Let everything be done decently and in order.”
The choice is up to the woman. I think ultimately she has to do what’s best for her and also be able and ready to deal with the consequences of it not working out. We’ve seen the fastest growth spike in these types of relationships between 1995 and 2007. It’s growing more rapidly and has found it’s way into pop culture via shows like Courtney Cox’s, “Cougar Town” and “Extreme Cougar Wives”. It’s not new it’s just more prevalent now. This phenomenon is here to stay.
Verse Of the Day: Romans 5:8, “God demonstrated his own love toward us in that while we were still sinners Christ died for us.”