How to Create Intimacy

affectionate couple wrapped in blanket at home by fireplace

Intimacy in your marriage involves more than good sex.  Intimacy is achieved when the two of you can share your thoughts, and opinions, and feelings with each other.  My husband is the first man who I was ultimately willing to share myself with totally and completely.  What I mean by that is, in past relationships even long-term relationships, I was never willing to give to that other person all of myself. Meaning you would get a “part” of me , the parts I was willing to share but ultimately I held a lot back.

Nobody ever really got 100% percent of me.  Not knowing at the time that that’s how intimacy is achieved by full disclosure and a willingness to be vulnerable.  I wasn’t willing to be vulnerable.  I was and still am a very strong woman and had built up many walls around myself.   How did I change?  Of course God.  God had to work on my mind and my heart and behavior so that I would be ready to receive the man God had for me.

With my husband’s strong character, loving heart, and gentle ways and persistence, he broke me down and melted the ice away.  But even that wouldn’t have happened if I wasn’t 1000% sure that he was “for me.”  When I say “for me” I mean he was with me all the way and he showed me not with words but with actions!!!!  I’m the type of person you have to prove it to me.  Then and only then will I give you the keys to the kingdom.  I can be pretty tough.

You too can create and enjoy or recapture the intimacy in your marriage with  some time and attention devoted to this area.  Like anything else you have to work on it.  Your marital intimacy is strengthened when you are spending time as a couple having fun together and surprising one another.  So let’s get to it and do it!  Do something today that will enhance the intimacy in your marriage.


  • Bonding

  • Integrating

  • Intensifying

  • Experimenting

  • Initiating

  • Playfulness


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Having fun together.  Laughing together, spontaneous trips, walking on the beach, hiking, washing your car, comedy club date, Proverbs 17 :22,  “A merry heart doeth good like a medicine.”

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Deepen your relationship through intimate uninterrupted talks.  Share who you are.  Share your hopes, dreams, wishes, and needs.  Let your spouse know how important your marriage is to you.  Get to know your partner’s hopes, dreams, wishes and needs.  Tell your spouse how he or she makes you feel and how your life is enhanced by them.

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Be affectionate.  Words alone won’t increase intimacy.  You must also demonstrate your feelings with actions.

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Intimate acts that do not involve sex.  Intimate acts that do not involve sex result in bonding.

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Open your mind and heart.  It refers to your willingness to talk about anything and everything. Neither of you should have a fear about broaching a topic.  Even scary issues such as finance, child rearing, death, in-laws, etc..  Venting problems and finding resolutions should be a major component of your relationship.  To do this successfully you need to be open to each others views, you’re going to have to embrace the:”C” word, Compromise.

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Building comfort and security.  Trust is a big part of building intimacy.  Knowing your partner is dependable goes a long way to helping you feel comfortable and secure with him or her.  This means you should be where you say you’re going to be.  Your partner should be able to trust in your words.  Come through on promises and remain faithful always.  When you trust your partner, the walls you might have built come down.

Fears disappear such as being naked with the lights on, or worrying about being judged for your past tend to fade away.  You’re intimacy will grow, you’ll focus on what’s important, and in turn feel more secure in your relationship.  You suddenly think that little spat you had yesterday is unimportant and doesn’t mean the end of your marriage, press on!!

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Have sex.  Not only should you keep the home fires burning, burn the house down!!!!  While affection doesn’t have to always lead to sex it should sometimes.  Those animal needs aren’t a bad thing.  Men tend to want to be closer or more intimate if they are having sex often.  Women want sex when intimacy increases.  So having sex on a consistent basis can help both and woman get what they want.  Don’t just go through the motions, really be in the moment.  Get in the mood for love, make sure you make your spouse feel desirable.  Let them know you enjoy having sex with them.




Beautiful woman whispering something sweet to her boyfriend





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