Welcome Spring! If it has not yet warmed up where you are, be of good cheer, soon the cold days and cold nights will give way to warmer days and the newness of Life! God is doing a new thing! Now it shall spring forth! So be hopeful and hold onto God’s unchanging hand!
Verse of the day:
Follow up to “The Benefits to Women saving sex for Marriage”
If you missed February’s previous post, “The benefits of waiting for sex until Marriage for Women”, go back or click here and take a look as this is a follow up to that post.
Statistics: 56% of women report having sex on the the first date. In the previous posts we discussed the benefits to women when they wait, among them are…………, To preserve your heart, your body, and your mind while keeping your spirituality intact and honoring God. It’s absolutely the best way to go for women. However, there is a cost to everything and keeping it 100% real, it’s a process.
Just like anything that’s worth having and SCW would be remiss if we didn’t explore the downsides of waiting as well as the process of meeting a new man and exactly how to establish those boundaries. Because what the woman is really doing in this scenario is she is maintaining control over the relationship.
Doesn’t that sound good? Wouldn’t you like to be the one in control for a change instead of giving it away, losing control and having no leverage. Because it’s not just, “oh you slept with him”, no, you gave away your control, and now you’ll just have to wait and see how things turnout, the devil is a liar!
You are the woman, it ends and begins with you, you have control, a man can’t do what you won’t let him do. You tell him no it’s no. He has two options, respect you for valuing yourself over him, see you as wife material and get to know you better or step off!
In which case he was just sport fishing anyway. Let him go make somebody else’s life miserable. In sport fishing men will catch a fish, take a picture to commemorate the moment and throw it back in the water, he’s done. It’s not important to him to keep the fish. The joy to him was catching it! As an SCW woman you are a keeper!
Smart Tip of the Day: A woman, per God’s design has a strong desire in her to fit. She wants to fit in somewhere, preferably with the right man. Genesis 2:21 “And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof” King James Version. The problem is because of this God given nature she’ll try to fit where she doesn’t belong! So the protection from God for his daughters is to have you be married!
Downside of Waiting
- You’re going to have to wait too. Yes, shocker! Women enjoy and want sex too. Just as you’re making him wait you’ll be waiting as well but in the end it will be worth it. In the meantime we have to exercise what’s called self control.
- Time. A man is able to reproduce well into his eighties! That’s why a lot of men are in no hurry to get married, they know they have virtually their whole lives. Not so with women. Women have a time clock, a window of opportunity if you will. So women have to play the cards they’ve been dealt. Meaning you have to live life according to your situation. So for instance if you have your eye on a certain guy you can’t sit around waiting for him. You have to do what’s best for your life. Trust God’s timing! ΙΙ
Choosing The right Mate
Ask yourself what is most important to me in a relationship and make a list. Do it now. Think about what qualities work for you. Every woman’s list will be different, however as a guide SCW has listed the top 5 non negotiables.
- Be equally yoked! Only date Christian men. You must be on the same page from the start.
- Productive and stable! Meaning he is working, has a career, his own place, (not living with mom) own a car. An exception to this is if he is finishing up in school, completing a master’s degree for instance, but everything else in is intact. You don’t want to meet a man that is “going to do such and such” you want to meet one that “IS” doing it! Bottom line he is his own man!
- Compatible goals for family and children. What are his ideas as far as family and children are concerned? Do they match up with yours?
- Compatible goals for Lifestyle? Does one of you like to spend money like a drunken sailor giving no thought to the future, and the other is conservative? Or does one of you want a house with a white picket fence in the country and the other wants a high rise condo in the city?
This is important because these are the types of issues that can cause disharmony and division in a marriage. However through communication they can also be worked out! Marriage is hard under the best circumstances even with the God given mate God has blessed you with. So don’t make it harder on yourself then it has to be. Talk it out.
- How Does he treat you? How do you feel when you are with him? 3 Key traits consistency, reliability and chemistry.
How do I establish a new relationship with a new man and communicate to him that I’m waiting? Be reasonable, what you don’t want to do is tell him on your first date that your body clock is ticking and you want to get married ASAP, even if it’s true. It’s just not good timing. You want to be smart.
- First reset your mind. Next make a vow to yourself that from here forward every new man is in a probationary period in your life in order for you to find out if he is husband material. Essentially you want to see if he is what you want. You’ve got the schedule to keep! You’re choosing him! This type of thinking may take a little getting use to and that’s okay. You’ll get through this and come out better and more confident. You’ve heard of Steve Harvey’s 90 day rule for dating. Give this new guy 3 months to show you what he’s about. It will all come out don’t worry and it might not even take long. During this time you are observing how he treats you, his personality, etc… Now very important, this seems obvious but I don’t want to leave any stone unturned. Don’t tell him he’s in probation, you just maintain control. Second important thing do not sleep with him during this, if you do, you lose control of the relationship and give away your power. Do not sleep with him until he puts a ring on your finger and you get married. That’s the deal and its non negotiable, take it or leave it. Trust me he’ll be enjoying the chase. The man God has for you will meet those standards, he’ll wait. But you have to know that you are worth it. You are the prize to be sought after.
- Never think that you can change a man! First, only God can change people. You don’t want a fixer upper, you want a house that’s turn key ready.
- Don’t ignore red flags. Sometimes in wanting things to work out, women can ignore red flags. That’s a mistake it will only comeback to haunt you. When people let you know who they are believe them. Your only job is to observe and along the way you’re finding out what you want and what you don’t.
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