Tag Archive | Dating

The Controversy Of Christians and Halloween and how to have Fun!

Do Christians celebrate Halloween?  The controversy  with Christians and Halloween as far as celebrating or not celebrating, stems from the fact that Halloween, no matter how commercialized, has pagan origins.  Are there things about Halloween that are anti-Christian and should be avoided? Absolutely.  In a word “Darkness” and anything the opposite of Love, because God is Love and there is no Darkness in Him.  Scripture does not speak about Halloween at all.  But it does give us some principles to live by.  The New Testament teaching on the occult is clear, Acts 8:9-24. The story of Simon, shows that occultism and Christianity don’t mix.  In the old testament witchcraft was punishable by death. Exodus 22:18, Leviticus 19:31.  So with or without Halloween, Christians do not celebrate darkness.

That being said those who have children and most do, you wouldn’t want your kids to feel as if they are being left out of all the “fun”.  There’s nothing wrong with the act of dressing in a costume and going to parties and filling their bags with candy, it’s a perfectly innocent thing for them.  No doubt their school will be having costume parties and providing candy for them.  Most parents want to allow children to have the fun of the season without the dark aspects and that is fine.  I was allowed as Child to celebrate Halloween and dress up in costume, trick or treat for candy.  However, my costume was never anything dark such as witches, demons, ghosts, etc….  There are much prettier and positive characters and costumes for your kids, such as superheroes, princess, angels.  I also don’t think there ‘s anything wrong with a scary movie. My family loved horror films. Being Christian is about  a heart attitude, and only God knows that. There are lots of ways for kids and adults to have fun with the day without being involved in the darker aspects of the event.  It doesn’t matter what day or holiday it is as Christian’s whatever you do or wherever you go let your light shine.  Enjoy the harvest!

Various ways for Christians to celebrate the Harvest with their kids

  • For adults, costume parties are fine.  Again as long as costumes aren’t dark or evil.

  • There are numerous places to take your child for Halloween without taking them door to door. (if that’s not your thing)  You can have a small party at your home for the kids or a neighbor’s home

  • Churches often have candy and dress up parties for the kids.

  • Schools participate in dress up and have parties.

  • Community centers have costume parties for kids as well.

  • Some Christians have an alternate “Harvest Party”  since fall is the time of harvest

  • Pumpkin Patches host candy hunts as well

Fun, positive costumes ideas for the whole family

  • You can show people that costumes don’t have to be dark or evil.  In fact your costumes are more fun and bring more smiles to people.  You are children of light.  You are good spirited, fun, and uplifting!

Verse of the day:

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Leaving and Cleaving : Cementing the Marital Bond

Becoming One with your mate is God’s mandate for a marital relationship, and it’s a process.  Genesis 2:24 KJV, “therefore a man shall leave his father and mother, and shall cleave unto his wife, and they shall become one flesh”.  So What does it mean to “leave and cleave”?  It is a unique joining of two people into one entity.  This is the picture of marital intimacy.  Other translations: “leave and be united”, leave and be joined”.  God himself ordained that a couple be joined in Holy matrimony.

Why is cleaving important?

  • Recognize that your marriage created a new family, and your new family must be a higher priority than your previous family.  If the spouses neglect to cleave to each other the results are a lack of intimacy and unity.

  • Leaving your parents does not mean ignoring them or never spending time with them. You are creating a new family culture for your family.  Although you love your parents you have to do things your own way, loving them all the same.  His will is for you to discover commitment and security.

  • Cleaving is key to building a marriage that will endure hard times and be the beautiful relationship God intends it to be.

  • Ultimately we cleave to God as we read his word and submit to his authority over us.

 How to Cleave

Pray together and pray over your marriage.

Keep God first place by which you measure every situation

Intimacy, romance, and quality time spent together must be constantly renewed over time.

A commitment means you don’t quit when things get hard.

Verse of the Day:  Amplified Bible version

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Fall Date Ideas 2017

Looking for a little fall adventure in your datesAs an alternative to the classic dinner and a movie?  I love dinner and a movie.  However, with a change of seasons comes change in activities. Active being the operative word!  Some couples enjoy active dates as do I.  Active dates are a reminder that dates are supposed to be fun!  Time to leave the worries behind and enjoy the company of someone special.  Each couple sets their pace of what is comfortable for them.  So ask questions, find out what they enjoy doing and do it together.  Laughter and fun keeps you young, and decreases stress!

Hot air balloon ride. Take your date to new heights with a balloon ride. The view of fall foliage is stunning.

Indoor Flying. I’m so excited about getting to do this, haven’t done it yet but it’s on the list.  It’s a very safe environment with trained instructors and a whole lot of fun! Soar!

Dinner cruise. Not just dinner, but dinner in motion on the water with a view.

Hiking. For all of you hiking buffs, it’s always better when you have someone to share it with. Take plenty of pictures to document your journey.  Even better make a scrapbook!

Fall County fair. County fairs are great fun, great food, and awesome rides.  Don’t forget to play a game or two and win your date a stuffed animal.

Picnic amidst  a fall backdrop  in the park. The trees have changed colors and the leaves have fallen. Get out your blanket and enjoy the fall scenery.

Get dressed to the nines and go dancing.  Shake it off!

A simple hayride through the country.  Perhaps a hayride is more your speed. Whatever the activity two is better than one.

Verse of the day:

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Fall Style 2017

It’s that time of year again where the mornings are crisp and the nights a little cooler.  Time to step out in style for the fall 2017 season!

 

  • Classic Black and white never goes out of style.

  • The Color red is red-hot for the fall season

  • Casual shades of Grey

 

  • Build your wardrobe one piece at a time with neutral colors that can be worn with various pieces

  • Nice high boot and chic bag are always on trend for fall.  The long suede boot is a must have for fashionistas

 

  • From office to evening casual


SCW sends its heartfelt condolences and prayers of healing to all of the victims of the senseless and evil Las Vegas shooting.  Thank you first responders for your swift, professional response and bravery.  May our God comfort all those affected. 

Verse of the day:

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How to get and keep the Christian man you want through Building Intimacy

What is Intimacy?  Intimacy generally refers to the feeling of being in a close personal association or belonging together.  It is a familiar and very close affective connection with another as a result of a bond  that is formed through knowledge and experience of the other.  Genuine intimacy in human relationships requires dialogue, transparency, vulnerability and reciprocity.  Immediately when people hear the word intimate they think of sex.  However, we are going to elevate our minds and discuss a higher level of Intimacy.

Intimacy can be achieved and maintained in a relationship “without” sex!  The highest level of intimacy is connecting with another mentally and spiritually without sex.  Problem is most people never get that far to experience it because they ruined it by jumping in the bed too soon! I have discussed in earlier post that my husband and I “waited ” before we got married. It was the best thing!Being in the will of God is always best. I was at a place in my life where I really wanted to things right! As a strong Christian man being the leader that my husband is,he said early on in the relationship ‘ look, this is what we’re going to do” . That’s ultimately how I knew he was the one! because he was willing to wait for me. He showed me he was different from the other guys.

He said that I was different from any other woman he had met. My husband said I’m not looking to “rent” I’m looking to buy! Can I get AMEN!   An intimate relationship is an interpersonal relationship that involves emotional and or physical intimacy.  Physical intimacy is characterized by platonic love, friendship, romantic love, or sexual activity.  Emotional intimacy develops after a certain level of trust has been reached, and personal bonds established.  Intimate conversations become the basis for “confidences” (secret knowledge), that bind people together.

But first we must start at the beginning, “To thou own self be true”.  You must have an intimate relationship with God.  You must know who you are.  You must know who’s you are.  Choose thee this day whom you serve.  You cannot serve two masters.  Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things shall be added.  Do the hard work on yourself to be ready to receive what God has for you.  Pray “Search me oh God and know my heart” Psalms 149:23.  That means search my soul, fix what needs fixing, correct in me what needs correcting.  So relationship with God, good relationship with self, and then a good relationship with another.  You’ve got to be different than the other girls, it’s your “difference” that makes you special, makes you a “Wife”.

But in order to get the good Christian man God has for you, you’ve got to get rid of the old.  God won’t put new wine in old wine skins.  He is doing a new thing but you won’t be able to recognize the new thing if you’re stuck.  Stuck in that old mentality that old way of thinking.  To get what you’ve never had you have to do something you’ve never done.  I had such a big problem with establishing intimacy before God touched my life.  I had a problem with trusting people so as a result I didn’t let anyone in.  I had to learn what it takes to achieve true intimacy and I did.  Keep in mind it can only be achieved with a like minded individual and since this is next level thinking it’s going to take a special person, but it’s worth it.

So when people can walk away from you, “Let Them Walk!”  Don’t try to talk another into staying with you, loving you, “Let them Walk”.  Because destiny is never tied to anyone who has left!  The right person will stay.  I want you to always remember that and this is not relegated to “just relationships”.  You don’t need everyone liking you just the right person!  Proverbs 21:1 “The king’s heart is in the hands of the Lord and as the rivers of water He turneth whatsoever He will.”

 

 

5 Ways to Build and Maintain Intimacy

“As a man thinketh so is he” Proverbs 3:27.  You must be, believe, think, and carry yourself as a high value woman.  Challenge yourself, challenge him!!!  Commit to never again, sleep with a man again unless and until he marries you.  Living in the times we do this idea is not popular.  The media is saturated with sex and debauchery and it’s only going to get worse.  The world will get crazier and crazier the Bible says so.  But you as a Christian woman must hold fast to your faith.  God blesses good decisions!!!  Could it be that you should stop giving all the wrong men time and attention, and clear the way for the right man that God has for you.
The law of attraction says whatever you’re seeking is seeking you. That good Christian man is looking for you too.  He’s looking for a good Christian woman to make her his wife.  The Bible says “He that findeth a wife findeth a good thing!” ( Amen).  That means she’s wife material when he finds her.  This man will respect that you have standards!  You will challenge him and cause him to step up to the plate.  If there is no challenge there will be no interest!!!  Or short term interest at best.  Boy meets girl, girl sleeps with boy, GAME OVER.  Men like challenge!!  They actually thrive on it!!  And it builds him and makes him more of a man.  Look at their recreational activities: Sports, video games, computers.  Those things provide challenge, they love games.  There’s no challenge in you handing over the goods.  When you say NO it’s game on now.  Make him work for it.  This is what tells him you’re the one.

Concentrate on getting to know this person – the goal when you meet someone new is to try and get to know them as best you can. And try to decide is this someone you would like to spend time with further?  When we meet someone new we start a connection!  Keep that going!  Let the relationship grow or not grow out of connection.  When you have sex you break the connection.  He’s ready to go on to the next conquest.  You must break that cycle or you’re doomed to repeat it.

Don’t be too needy – Men have a nose for that kind of thing.  A woman who’s doing her own thing and has her own life is very attractive to a man.  I heard a handsome celebrity man say in an interview that he saw two attractive women in the airport.  The first one he said, “she was trying too hard”.  Maybe she was winking at him, smiling too hard, I don’t know but he wasn’t feeling it even though he thought she was pretty.  The second one he said was the one who drew him in because she wasn’t even looking at him, she was doing her own thing.  He was checking her out.  Play it cool and let him come to you!!  Let HIM be the man in every aspect, let him make the advances, let him pick you up, let him pay for dates .

Stop letting men move in with you – I learned from a pastor to Never commit to, or marry a man based on his potential.  For example: “one day he’s going to be a great business man”.  A man doesn’t have to be a rich man to be a good man that’s not what I’m saying.  As a man he should be stable!  Stable meaning, he should be working, have his own place and car.  Until a man establishes himself first he is unable to give of himself to a woman.  He has to establish who he is and what he does.  Living together a man gets all the benefits of marriage and none of the responsibility!!  That’s not a smart move for the woman.

Build Intimacy through: Honesty, transparency, communication, conversation, closeness, establishing a friendship.  You build true intimacy by not having sex.  Instead building a connection that will last a lifetime.  Stop robbing your tomorrow for short term gratification, which is essentially lust not love, there’s a big difference.  That’s what I want for every Christian woman out there, to experience true love.  Someone who accepts you for who you are and loves you anyway.

  1. Develop Intimacy – By getting to know him without sex.  If he can’t accept that, he’s not the one!  Show him your difference.  It won’t take very long for people to show you who they really are.  You decide whether it’s worth going any further or if it’s not a good fit and move on with your dignity intact.  A man is never going to bond with you emotionally through having sex with him.  For him sex is just physical, until a woman captures him emotionally or until he puts a ring on it.  There are women who’ve been in long term relationships for years but he hasn’t proposed because you allow him to be comfortable as things are.  A man is only going to do what you let him get away with.
  2. Build Intimacy – Establishing trust and closeness without sex.  Nurture the connection.  Most importantly, wait! wait! before you just give yourself away to a man.  Waiting is a war tactic.  Whoever can hold out the longest wins!  Ladies certainly know how to hold out, you just have to do it at the right time!  Which is in the beginning when you meet him.  Set your boundaries, show him your standards, there’s no game playing.  Be upfront, don’t lead him on.  When you make your stand up front people will either fall in line or fall out.  And praise God when they leave, they did you favor, you don’t want him. And that puts you a little closer to getting the man God has for you.  You don’t have to waste time with mediocrity.  Sexually undisciplined men are babies.  You need a man.
  3. Maintain intimacy – When God answers your prayers for marriage and gives you what you dreamed of, it’s not over!  It’s just beginning, and now you have to maintain what he gave you. Vow to always be honest with one another.

Featured Married Couple: Actress Meagan Goode and husband.  Universal Studio executive, and pastor Devon Franklin.  They are our featured couple of the month because they have lived it and experienced true intimacy by NOT having sex before marriage.  They’re both Christians and were just both at a place in their lives where they did not want to have sex again until they were married.  Now they have a healthy happy relationship that God has blessed and formed a lasting bond.  I’m so happy for them!  I like that they’ve been so open about waiting for sex and their journey.  It shows other women what God can do if you will do it his way!  They also wrote a book called, “The Wait”.  I was very inspired by their decision to write the book.  Though I have not yet read it, I plan to but it has inspired me to write another book with my husband as well.  So we have that to look forward to!  Good luck Meagan and Devon to God be the glory!

 

 

Verse of the day:

Author’s Note:

Hope you guys are having an awesome summer! I am too!  Getting a lot done.  It’s possible to be blessed and still have challenges.  Take heart that God is strengthening us in those difficult times, and we must press on!  To God be the Glory Forever!  You have a friend in California!

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Best Cities for Singles 2017

Christian singles ready to mingle must have direction.  They must know which geographical locations are best for what they seek.  SCW has compiled a list of the best cities for singles to meet and find love.  Of Course a Smart Christian woman doesn’t  go hunting for a man “as if”.  She merely presents herself and “attracts” possible suitors.  So here we go.

Although more and more people are meeting online there are still locations that are better than others for singles based on number of single people VS. married people alone.  Because we are focusing on young singles, please bear in mind that all of these statistics are applicable to young professionals ages 20-40 for the purpose of this post.

Metrics based on:

  • Unemployment rate – Low unemployment is indicative of a strong employment market.  Which is good for carrier focused singles.
  • Median rent – The more affordable a city is the smaller the incentive to shack up purely for financial reasons.
  • The Percentage of singles The US census Bureau tracks the number of single households in each state. 
  • Entertainment establishments per 100,000 residents This includes, bowling alleys, arcades, sports stadiums etc..  Fun activities that bring singles together.
  • Houses of Worship – Christian assembly is still a great way to meet new like-minded people.

Top 5 Cities for Singles

Portland Maine In Portland the unemployment rate is 3.1%.  About a quarter of the city’s adult population ages 20 to 34 are unmarried.  The median monthly rent is $900.  Maine boasts over 300 Christian Churches.

Asheville North Carolina  The unemployment rate is 3.4%.  Asheville has a large population of young singles and college students.  Average median rent is $830.  Asheville has about 60 Christian Churches, seems a little low for the south so if you live in Asheville give me a shout out and correct me if I’m wrong.

Champaign Illinois The average age is 27.  Champagne median cost of living is cheaper than the US average.  Median rent $660-$825.  As Illinois is a large state they boast a lot of Mega Churches.  Search Illinois mega churches.

Miami Beach Florida –  In Miami 28% of the population is single.  With a population of 5.5 million.  Miami Beach is a tourist town with lots to see and do so you can feel like you’re living on vacation. The unemployment rate is a low 4%.  The media rent is $1,075.  39.76% of people in Miami are affiliated with a religion 5.66% are Christian.

Downtown Columbia Missouri The median resident age in Missouri is 26.8 years.  Median rent is $768.  Missouri has all denominations of churches and a large Christian church community.

  •  Christian  Dating Websites

 

  • Christian Cafe

  • Singles Of Faith

  • C Match – Connecting Christians Worldwide

Coming in August:

How to get and keep the man you want through building intimacy.

 

Verse of the day:

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Summer 2017 Most Popular Post Review “Can a Christian Woman Be a Cougar?”

Cougar Women is a very hot topic!  Meet Samantha Taylor Johnson age 50 director of Fifty Shades Of Grey and her younger husband Aaron Johnson age 27.  When they met she was 43 and he was scandalously 19.  Her story is an interesting one.  They met on the set of  her movie “Nowhere Boy” and were married in 2012.  I can see why she would want to live life on her terms at this point in her life as she has survived an ugly divorce and beat cancer twice!  Aaron came into her life and opened up a new world.  Samantha is living her life to the fullest.

I had no idea my post “Can A Christian Woman be a Cougar” , (click this link to view), would garner so much attention.  It seems the idea of dating a younger man has crossed the minds of many women.  From celebrities to everyday women, from Christian women to non-Christian women.  Conservative business woman Martha Stewart admitted in a TV interview earlier this year that she herself likes and dates younger men.  She says she likes to go at least 10 years younger normally.

I was surprised but I thought good for her!  Okay ten years, but how young is too young?  Young enough to be your son?  Same age as your son. Would that creep your kids out?  I’ll tell you what is morally incorrect, these women teachers that have been in the news lately for having sex with their students.  That’s a crime against a child.  However, when it comes to grown men and grown women in a cougar woman/ younger man relationship they’re both adults.

The media has coined the term age-gap or age disparity relationships.  Can it last?  Is it just about sex?  The idea behind the post “Can a Christian Woman be a Cougar” was to answer the question, “Is it okay for Christian women to date a younger man?”  When you put it that way it sounds harmless.  She’s just dating a younger man.  However there are a lot of dynamics at play in this type of relationship.  There is much to consider.  Is it morally correct?

As a Christian woman being a woman of values, who’s to say what’s right and what’s wrong for someone else.  The Bible does not say anything against a younger man older woman relationship.  I think a woman needs to decides what’s going to work for her and what isn’t.  Only she can decide that.  As a Christian whatever type of relationship you have should not jeopardize your values.

If you’re a cougar woman, dating a younger man and reading this, how’s it working out for  you?  There is so much to say about this and we’re going to explore the topic from many different angles.  I’m also going to present first hand advice from experienced cougar women who live the lifestyle and let you draw your own conclusions.

  • Who are Cougar Women?

  • Typically the Cougar Woman is 40 plus yrs old, established, self-assured women who prefer dating younger men.

  • Typically divorced, widowed or single.  Women in general are living longer.  Which means they are healthy and vibrant and still want to have fun.  Not all men but often men in the same age range can begin to slow down.  A man’s sexual peak is in his 20’s.  A woman’s sexual peak can be as late as 40.  At this stage their kids are out of the house.

  • With the numbers of women in business going up every year they are thriving in their careers, and free to date and see whom they wish.  The fact is women dating and marrying younger men is a growing trend.

  • In 2003, 34 percent of women over 40 had dated younger men.  That number has risen now to 67%.  According to the U.S. Census Bureau 12 percent of marriages are between an older women and younger man.  So you’re not alone in your attraction to younger men.

Famous Cougar Relationships

 

  • Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher

Demi and Ashton looked so good together and seem to be having fun.  Their relationship burned hot for a while.  She gave every older single woman hope that they can be beautiful sexy and attractive to younger men.  And at the time he seemed really happy too.  Kutcher met Moore when he was 25 and she was 41.  They married two years later in September 2005.

Your twenties are a time when you’re figuring out life.  Think of how much a person changes between 25 to 35, there are a number of potential issues.  At best you’re starting from a disadvantage.  Marriage is hard enough under the best circumstances.  He filed for divorce, she said the relationship was over in 2011 and in 2014 they were officially divorced.  And of course he married a younger woman, Mila Kunis whom he met on “That Seventies Show”.

Mariah Carey & Nick Cannon

Mariah and Nick met in 2008.  She was 12 years his senior.  They recently divorced in 2015.

Halle Berry was 10 years older than Canadian model Gabriel Aubrey.  They split in 2011.  They did not marry but had a daughter together.

Sharon Stone

Sharon Stone is 59 years old, single, twice divorced and often photographed with younger men.  She strikes me as the type of woman who would be in control of her relationship with a younger man.

  • Sex

My advice to you is to protect your self emotionally.  With men whether he’s younger or not, unless he’s married, sex is just a physical act.  But for women it’s emotional, which is the reason women usually wind up being hurt when it ends.  So if it’s just about sex your going to get what comes with a “just sexual” relationship.  No commitment, and more than likely hurt feelings.

Sex alone is not enough to sustain any relationship with any man no matter his age.  Can it last?  The reality is some do and some don’t, it’s a risk.  The simple truth is there are no guarantees in life.  Except the lord Jesus Christ who is the same yesterday today and forever more.  He loves and cares for you and doesn’t want to see you hurt by any  man.

Since you are the older wiser one, protect yourself emotionally by having the relationship on your own terms.  Meaning you see him and spend time with him when you want.  You keep control of the relationship!  Set boundaries.

 

  • Married Cougars

There is security in marriage, but again no guarantee, as with any relationship.  The relationships that do go the distance are the rare exception.

  • Single cougars

6 Ways to Protect Yourself Emotionally

  • Have the relationship with the younger man on your own terms. You see him and spend time when you want.

  • Keep control of the relationship by setting boundaries.  For instance you may not introduce him to your children.

  • Don’t have unrealistic expectations.  He’s not going to have lived as much life as you have.

  • Although he’s younger, still let him be the man.  This might as well start with you because he’s dating an older woman.  Let him step up to that level by having him pay for dinner and dates.  So it has to be a young man who is working.  He doesn’t need to be equal to you because being a younger man he wont be.  But you certainly don’t want to be his sugar momma.  So I thought the video above brings up a good point by letting him pay for dinner.

  • Don’t try too hard and don’t chase him. You’re still the prize!

  • Never abandon your standards or settle just because he’s younger.  And never invest in a man of any age simply based on his potential.  He should be of proven character and substance.  Even if you can afford to spoil him, he should still be a quality person.

  • So where do cougars and younger men meet?  Meeting online is not the stigma it once was, and today a third of all Americans meet online.  More importantly, where should you avoid meeting a younger man?  For instance there are reputable sites for serious people looking for long-term committed relationships like Match, E-Harmony,  Christian Mingle, and then there are “Hook-Up” sites, stay away from those.  For instance, the website below isn’t where you want to look.

The woman is naked in her underwear saying come and get it.  Now, a young man who preys on older women is also looking for you to take advantage of you and get money, scam you and God’s knows what else.  So just be selective with the sites you choose.  A site like the one below seems just about sex.  She looks like she’s ready to claw through the screen, grab the young man and eat him whole, Yikes!!

Instead give these types of sites a try that seem to focus more on relationship.

  • Seeking Cougar4u

  • Cougar Cruise

  • Cougar dating App

Verse of the day:

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