Archive | February 2016

Protecting your Relationship through your God-given Sexuality

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Day 19, Principle #19

The act of marriage is what sets our marital relationship apart from other relationships. The topic of physical intimacy is vitally important for a thriving marriage.  God designed sex solely for marriage.  Therefore it’s safe to say we married our men so that we can have sex with them.  Sure there were other reasons why you married your guy.  But ultimately the obvious reason we got married because we wanted to connect with our guy physically in an intimate way.  Most marriages start off with a thriving intimate life.  But over time either our men stop romancing us, women loose interest in sex after kids, or simply stop having sex with their husband.  For whatever reason our schedules become too demanding, or our hearts become hardened against our man.

1 Corinthians 7:5, says “Do not deprive your husband”, (go look it up), it’s actually a commandment.. well actually it says, “Do not deprive each other of sex”, but yes it actually says that.  It’s the gift of your God given sexuality.  When any of these things take place in our marriage then the marriage is under attack by the enemy.  The lord in his infinite wisdom gives us some instructions for thriving intimate relationship. 1 Corinthians 7:4, “the wife has no authority over her own body but yields it to her husband, In the same way the husband does not have authority over his body but yields it to his wife.”  Do you let your husband delight in you?  Is he enraptured by your love or do you tend to shy away from his advances or discount what he says about your physical beauty?  Perhaps you don’t feel confident about your appearance.  I think all women have had these thoughts at one time or another.

Stop looking to media and television to tell you what’s beautiful.  I have said this before, it’s not about being skinny or stick thin like runway models.  Good health is simply about being the proper weight for your body type and height so that you don’t put unjust pressure on your heart, thus affecting your health.  Try to have a balanced diet, stay active, and put effort into your appearance, (your hair, your makeup, your clothes).  There’s no way around it not for you, not for me, it takes effort to maintain your appearance.

The creator of the universe made you and deems you as beautiful.  So when insecurities rise up in your mind about your outer appearance you can meditate on Proverbs 3:15, God says “you are more precious than rubies and all the things that he desires can not compare to her.”  Physical intimacy for a wife starts in her mind.  A wife generally connects with her husband through talking.  A husband connects with his wife through physical intimacy.  However, Satan does not want you to draw closer to your husband.  If the enemy can get the two of you to have very little sex or stop you from having sex, or convince you that you despise having sex with your husband, then the enemy has a foothold in your marriage.  Mark 10:9, says, “What God has joined together let no one separate.”  You have to fight for your marriage!

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Tips to Plan and Protect your Relationship from the enemy

 

♥  Be intentional about defeating the enemy with regard to this aspect of marriage.


♥  Be a wife who has embraced what God has ordained, specifically for marriage rather than a wife that rejects it, avoids it or becomes complacent about it.


♥  Plan your times of intimacy with your husband so that you’re not exhausted at the end of the day.  Put the kids to bed earlier.  Don’t over commit yourself to outside activities.  Take a nap if need be.


♥  Be a wife that places a higher importance upon her marriage, rather than motherhood, a career, outside activities, ministry etc…


♥  Be a wife who looks forward to being intimate with her husband.


♥  Be a wife who actively pursues her husband


 

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In Honor of Black History Month, we honor Dr. James McCune Smith.  He was the first African American to hold a university degree in medicine.  He was a tireless physician, writer, leader in the abolition movement.  He was a community organizer involved in African American education, orphanages, and healthcare.  He attended first the University of North Carolina Chapel Hill.  He chose to leave the United States at age 22 when no American University would offer him, a free person of color, a place to pursue higher studies.  He set sail for Glasgow Scotland and acquired a University education in Scotland and France.

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A Loving and Respectful Wife

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Day 18, Principle #18

Proverbs 5;18-19, tells husbands: “May you rejoice in the wife of your youth.  A Loving doe, a graceful deer, may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love.”   Webster dictionary’s definition of captivate: is to “capture the attention or affection of, as by beauty and excellence, fascinate charm.”  Do you remember when your husband was first captivated by you?  He saw you as beautiful and excellent?  You fascinated him.  Your eyes twinkled, you smiled at the very thought of him.  You bonded over long conversations of who you both were and dreamed to be. Do you remember the butterflies when he was around?  How it felt for his hand to hold yours?  When he put the diamond on your finger you sat and stared at the reality that you were about to become the wife of the man of your dreams.

Remembering does wonders for our soul, it reminds us of just how fabulous our men are.  I am a hopeless romantic and a bit of an idealist.  I want to have a life long love affair with my husband.  Now of course you cannot be on your honeymoon everyday.  However you can remember why you married this man in the first place.  And be grateful to God for bringing him into your life.  When God gives you a gift you take care of it.  Your husband is a gift.  I told mine just yesterday that no matter how upset I may get with him at times, I’m here to stay.  Because the problem is, he’s the most wonderful man in the whole world.

Consider how much time you spend on a daily, weekly basis cultivating your marriage now?  In what ways can you regain some of what has been lost in the daily shuffle of life?  On purpose do something this week that reminds your husband of the youthful wife you once were.  Maybe its wearing something you know he likes on you. (remember you dressed to please back in those days.)  Go somewhere you both used to enjoy going together alone!  Look at photos of the good ol’ days.  Watch a favorite movie.  Or just simply sit together talking, listening, dreaming, holding hands, rubbing his back and simply paying attention to the husband of your youth.  Treasure him this week.



 

5 Ways to show a Loving and Respectful attitude toward your Husband

  1. Give him your undivided attention.  Women are masters of multi tasking.  But when he’s speaking to you make a point to lay other tasks aside, look into his eyes with the goal of understanding and remembering his words.

  2. Cultivate an attitude of gratitude.  Don’t take your husband for granted.  Appreciate everything he does for you especially the little things.  Always say thank you.

  3. Don’t complain.  Nobody wants to be around a whiner or complainer it’s grating on the nerves.  Hebrews 13:5,  “Says be content with what you have.”  Philippians 2:14, says, “Do everything without grumbling or arguing.”  Remember the serenity prayer,  “God grant  me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change courage to change the things that I can and the wisdom to know the difference.”

  4.  Protect his name.  Honor your husband in the way you speak about him to family and friends. Guard his reputation.  Do not let minor disagreements at home cause you to speak ill of him in public.  Live in such a way that it will be obvious to others why he married you in the first place.

  5. Follow his lead.  If you want a leader you must be willing to follow.  Learn to defer to your husband’s wishes and let final decisions rest with him.

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Speaking the Truth in Love

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Day 17, Principle #17

In marriage, confronting your husband about some of his actions that we don’t care for can definitely stir up a hornets nest in the relationship.  However, sweeping concerns under the carpet hoping they will go away is not a wise path to take either.  This path can often lead to resentment and bitterness in the heart of a wife.  Not every disagreement in a marriage is centered on a spouse’s sin.  Some arguments are based on differing perspectives or misunderstandings due to a lack of communication.  Ephesians 4:15, Tells us to, “speak the truth in love”.

This is not just in marriage, you should speak the truth in love to family and friends also.  Meaning plainly just tell the truth.  The truth may hurt, but it’s okay, you can begin to work things out from a place of truth.  When you speak the truth in love, you don’t have to yell, scream, or angrily get your point across.  You’re speaking the truth.  As long as you’re speaking the truth in love as the Bible tells us, God will have your back.  The truth is able to stand on its own.

For instance, you may tell your husband, “When you drink, you become hostile, and angry and it’s not setting a good example for the kids. I want you  to get help before it tears the family apart.”  Or, “we haven’t had a date night in months and it makes me feel neglected.”  Whatever the problem is, speak the truth in love.  The Bible tells us that there are ways to confront your spouse.

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5 Ways to Confront your Husband

  1. Based on, 2 Timothy 2:24-26, the scripture tells us the way in which a wife should conduct herself when she needs to confront her husband and why she should conduct herself in this way.  “The Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but must be kind to everyone, able to teach not resentful. Opponents must be gently instructed, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading to the knowledge of truth, and that they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will.”  Sit down with your husband calmly and just talk.  If tensions rise and things begin to escalate, you remain calm, it shows real maturity and spiritual growth.

  2. When a wife needs to confront her husband how should she speak to him?  According to Proverbs 31:26,  “She opens her mouth with wisdom and in her tongue is the law of kindness.”  As the saying goes it’s not what you say but how you say it.  The way you approach your spouse can make all the difference.  Remember that you’re not talking to one of the kids.

  3. When your husband sins against you what is the proper biblical response?  Based on Luke 17:3,  “So watch yourselves if your brother or sister sins against you rebuke them, and if they repent forgive them.”  It’s never good to sin against your wife or vice versa. However, attitude is everything.  If your spouse has an attitude of remorse and regret, i.e. repentance, find it in your heart to forgive them.  If not, stand your ground and hold your peace.  God will correct and convict him in his spirit. (you know when God is convicting and correcting you).  If I do something wrong I will feel a conviction in my spirit.  It’s God telling you that was wrong and this is how you correct it.  We are all a work in progress including myself.  Yes, I’m still learning everyday.

  4. According to Colossians 3:12-14, How would the lord desire you to share what is on your heart as you discuss your concerns with your husband?  “Therefore as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience, bear with one another and forgiving one another as the Lord forgave you, and of all these virtues put on love which binds them all together in perfect unity.”

  5. Tone and Timing.  Proverbs 15:1,  “A soft answer turns away wrath.”   I’ll tell you how I handle it when I have to talk to my husband about something.  First of all before I even talk to him I give it a lot of thought.  I think you should think things through before you speak.  Then I consider timing and tone.  The timing of the conversation and the tone of my voice when I speak to him.
    For instance, a married friend of my husband’s recently had a medical procedure that was going to cost him around $75,000 plus he and his wife were also in the middle of relocating their business and home, just a really stressful time.  Now this is Not the time to discuss MORE bills with him or about how you need $15,000 to get a mommy makeover, i.e. tummy tuck, stretch mark laser removal etc…. Tone.  Consider your tone of voice.  You want him to speak to you respectfully and he deserves that same respect back.


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Honoring your Husband by Obeying the Lord

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Day 16, Principle #16

Are you bringing honor to God in the way that you treat your husband?  We are to love each other with brotherly affection and take delight in honoring each other Romans 12:10, are you taking delight in honoring your husband?

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5 Ways to Honor your Husband

  1. Making sure your behavior is beyond reproach.  A woman’s behavior affects how other’s see her husband.

  2. Do not dishonor his name in any way before others.  Husband bashing has become all too common when women get together.  It’s one thing to bring your personal problems before a trusted marriage counselor, pastor, friend, but quite another to share your husband’s fault with casual friends or associates.  There’s nothing in me that would want to defame my husband to another.  Some things need to be kept between you, your husband, and God.

  3.  Openly let your children see you honor their father.  You greatly influence how they view their father by how you honor him in your home.

  4. Remember that honor involves all that you do with your life.  The values you hold, your morals, the way you talk, the way you work, the way you carry yourself.

  5. Honoring your husband through embracing your femininity.  Femininity is a gift that God has designed women with that contrasts the design of men.  There are differences in gender that play a significant role in marriage.  Simply put: “Use everything you got!”  My husband says I, “know how to work it!”



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Learning Spiritual Discernment

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Day 15, Principle #15

We’re going to go Deep today!  Luke 5:4,  “Come out into the deep and get ready for a haul.”  This blog is intended to strengthen, build, challenge, and elevate your faith while entertaining. While making faith that once may have seemed intangible, suddenly become practical, a practical living faith.

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In this post we will learn about a very interesting spiritual gift called “discernment.”  What it is, and how it works for you as an individual, and in your marriage.  What is Spiritual Discernment?  Discernment is a spiritual gift from God, (before anything else.)  Spiritual Discernment is calling on the holy spirit to lead or give direction on a matter.  It is how the Spirit shows the church or its people what God wants them to do and be.

You may have heard the Holy Spirit referred to as the helper.  The helper that dwells in us and comes alongside us in difficult times to help us make decisions.  And to lead and guide us where God would have us to be.  This gift is not for babes in Christ.  You have to be spiritually mature to understand, receive and exercise those gifts.  God must reveal Himself to you.  It takes time to grow up in Christ. Took me a long time and I’m still learning.  So don’t be discouraged if you’re not there yet.  Just keep walking with GOD and the more you walk with him the more he will reveal himself to you.  And remember that we do not all have the same gifts in the Spirit.

Life is all about decisions and choices when you get right down to it.  It can be hard to always know what the right thing is.  For married couples trying to navigate their journey, God gives them a helper.  It’s also been called the little voice inside.  I think everyone has experienced this on some level.  Say for instance you’re leaving the house and heading to your car, “something says to you”, “Go back, you forgot your phone”.  It’s the voice of reason and protection.  Once you’re married you’ll have the Spirit to help you on bigger issues.

For you single ladies I think learning about spiritual discernment is very important for you on your journey of finding the right life partner.  Learn to use discernment when you meet these men.  You ever seen a guy that looks good to your eyes but your spirit tells you, “there’s something wrong with him” (you just don’t have a good feeling about him)?

With women having their God-given intuition and spiritual discernment working all together at the same time it makes you a very sharp individual.  It’s also about not looking at a situation with your eyes, but closing your eyes to hear what the Spirit is saying deep inside you.  Discernment is a skill, and you can become better at it through training and experience.  Learn to see through the eyes of faith.

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Scriptures on Discernment

  1. Romans 1:17,   “the just shall live by faith”

  2. 2 Corinthians 5:7,  “We walk by faith and not by sight”

  3. Isaiah 30:21,  “And thine ears shall hear a word behind thee saying, this is the way, walk ye in it, when ye turn to the right hand and when ye turn to the left.”

  4. Hebrews 5:15,  “For everyone that useth milk is unskillful in the word of righteousness for he is a babe. But strong meat belongeth to them that are full age, even those who by reason of use have their senses exercised to discern both good and evil.”

  5. Jeremiah 17:10,  “I the Lord search the heart, I test the mind, Even to give to each man according to his ways, according to the result of his deeds.”  This is why you can get over on people, but you can not get over on God because He sees your heart. Your intentions, your reasoning. Man can only see the outside. Once you learn and receive the gift of discernment people won’t be able to get over on you with their lies. This is the way I judge everyone that I come in contact with, by discernment. Not by what they say, what they look like, what they are wearing, rich or poor, I go by what the Spirit tells me about them.  Also be a good listener, that tells you a lot about the person because out of the mouth the heart speaks.

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According to the scriptures discernment comes from knowing God’s Word.  The babes were unskillful in the words of righteousness.  But the mature individual knew the Word and used the Word.  They had become skillful in the Word, it sharpened their senses and enabled them to discern good from evil.  Many today have been led astray because of the lack of knowledge and lack of exercise in the scriptures. Discernment requires use and knowledge of God’s Word.  Discernment also relies on knowing the Spirit of God in a matter, being sensitive to His leading.  We must empty ourselves of self and allow the Spirit to fill us.  So that He can lead us.

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Uses of discernment in Marriage

Use discernment to make major decisions in a marriage

Use discernment in making decisions about your children

Use discernment when making decisions about making major life changes such as a move to a new city, new career, job location change, having children.

Use discernment on the new friends that you make or business associates.

Use discernment on a daily basis with your spouse to discern their moods, to see if you can help in any way.  Use discernment for the timing of conversations.  Knowing when is or isn’t a good time for certain conversations.

Use discernment on houses of worship where you and your family will be fed on the Word of God. Make sure you are sowing into good ground.

Use discernment with your children to discern their moods and cries for help.

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Things that can be discerned

Spirits

People

Places

Situations

1 Corinthians 2:14,  “But people who are not spiritual can’t receive these truths from God’s spirit. It all sounds foolish to them and they can’t understand it for only those who are spiritual can understand what the spirit means.”

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